I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
