No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
