why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
