I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
