OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
