Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize