and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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