I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
