you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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