It's Friday. Sex?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
