He asked me if I "almost moaned"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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