I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
