I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
