the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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