So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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