Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
