I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
