Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
