Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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