Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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