the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
