I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
there was a trapeze. enough said
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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