Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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