Where is the hickey?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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