tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
