the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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