Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
