You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
