He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
