He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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