Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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