So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
