Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I need to sanitize my soul.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
