Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
