i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
