Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
