i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
