I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
