well I can't set my house on fire every night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
