We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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