Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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