You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
