There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
