Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
did i just pee glitter
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
