I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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