I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
