I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
