Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize