why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
