I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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