Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
