Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
