You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
