foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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