i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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