I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
