Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
