i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
