My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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