Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
