I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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