Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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