Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
