just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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