Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
