if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
