Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
