Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
