everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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