even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
