I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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