Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
