I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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