Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
