Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just had sex on a roof
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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