Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When are your genitals available?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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