my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize