Me too!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
