Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
