I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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