OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
