I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
