I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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