Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
