I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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