genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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