He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
birth control should be required to get into college
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
