Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
