i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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