just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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