how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
this boner is exhausting
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
