angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
