coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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