My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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