lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
