My sheets look like a crime scene.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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