The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize