Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
