A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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