At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
where are my eyebrows?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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