Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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