there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
