i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
