I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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